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The rain falls, listless as my brain calls, wincing as the pain throbs - stop, no, again. The rain falls, listless as my brain calls. Fists full of nothing, stalling, biting on my fingers. Walking down the same halls. Talking to myself, quietly, in the silence, listening to the rainfall, drawn to the windowsill. Glistening lights from the nearby street, still silent. Pills lie by my sink. I took an Advill. I can recall every time I blinked. And at night with the lights off lying, still silent, on my bed with my eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling hoping the rain could fall a little bit harder so it wouldn't be so silent. And I close my eyes and I'm dying or stabbing into another body, why do these silent visions haunt me, flaunting, and taunting my psyche?
Just breathe.
They come to me in the day as I softly ponder or look away. Fill my mind with horrors or wonder. In small moments offering to tear my body asunder. As I stand at the station waiting for the train my heart leaps at the thought of leaping into the tracks. It's raining, there's no pain, only jumping. Either that or throwing another body, knowing they would die quickly and quickly I step away from the side. Put my hands in my pockets, brooding. Confused because for a moment it felt sane, it felt right in the rain to die. I ask why in the silence but of course there's no response but the quiet sky above me, calm and callous. Silent front, what is it that beckons me closer, the form of which folds inward? My innards twist in your fingers and I remain remiss to your motives, bitch.
Perhaps it were some sinner within me with a glimmer of evil dressed in robes from the foot of the steeple or simply a phase that left my body in a trembling gaze, restless. Or even a product of stress. Regardless I found it best to wish for the rain to rain harder and just breathe.
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